


I Want It That Way

by CaramelShipper



Series: A Second Chance [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-06
Updated: 2021-02-06
Packaged: 2021-03-17 19:00:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29230395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaramelShipper/pseuds/CaramelShipper
Summary: After Hydra's fall in DC, The Asset runs from America to find the answers to the questions about his life that run around his head. Ending up in Romania he tries to lay low, he never knew Rachel would change his life. Can he love her after the lost flame he had? Can she love him after everything he's done? Pre-Civil War. Musical Challenge. Sequel to "Thinking of You."
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Original Female Character(s)
Series: A Second Chance [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2146338
Kudos: 1





	I Want It That Way

**Author's Note:**

> This isn't part of a series, but it kinda is a sequel to my Thinking of YOu story, so I do recommend reading that one before this one. This takes place after The Winter Soldier but before Civil War.
> 
> A/N 2: Dorogaya: Dear, my love. (idk if this is true, I googled "Russian pet names for girlfriend")

Bucky looked at the picture of the red head he kept in his wallet, her smile bright even when the picture was black and white. He found the picture when he returned to HYDRA one last time before running away. He needed to see if they had stored some of his belongings before torturing him, and to his surprise, they did. He found that picture inside a pocket watch, and he took it. He knew that girl from before, he just couldn't remember. But he knew that taking the picture might help him remember.

Now, he stood on the roof of his apartment building in Bucharest, the lights of the houses and building illuminating the horizon. He could hear her softly crying from here. And it's all his fault. He promised himself that he would never hurt her, and he did just that. He tried to get away from her for her own protection, but she was just too stubborn. And after months of her coming to his apartment with baked goods, plums, needing a hand to fix something in her apartment, that little blond woman squirmed her way into his heart.

Now, some time later, he knew he was in love with Rachel, and he knew she loved him as well, but… could he ever forget Elizabeth? His Lizzy? She was gone, has been for over 10 years now, but for him it feels like just yesterday. He feels like he just lost her, and the cut in his heart felt too recent. Yet, he knew Rachel was the one for him. But he couldn't commit to the relationship, not when he couldn't trust himself around her. Not when he still loved his Lizzy.

He spent a lot of time with Rachel. They tried to spend as much time as possible together. They ate dinner together in his apartment or watched movies in hers, but never went out together. He didn't want to risk being seen together and having her hurt because of him. At first she was fine with it, but she started to feel anxious about it. She knew about Elizabeth. She knew Bucky's girlfriend died, but she didn't know when. Bucky hadn't told her about him being almost 100 years old, or how when he was a prisoner of war and being injected with the Super Soldier serum. He didn't know when or if he would ever tell her about that part of his life.

Rachel knew he still loved and always will love Elizabeth, she was very aware of that, and she was fine with that. She knew Elizabeth would always hold a place in Bucky's heart, but will she ever sit next to Elizabeth in there?

Bucky sighed and placed the photo back in his wallet. He remembered everything that had been said back in her apartment not even 20 minutes ago. The way she frowned when he didn't say what she needed to hear, how he felt when she asked him if he loved her, the way her eyes filled with tears the moment he screamed at her. It was too much.

"Hey, James?" She asked him during dinner. They were both sitting down at her dining room table, each having a plate of pasta. She was looking at him with a sad gleam in her eyes, fork playing with the pasta in her plate.

"Hm?" Bucky replied through a mouthful of pasta, not looking at her.

"I saw this new coffee shop on my way home, it looked really pretty." She said, eyes set on him. "I was thinking that maybe we could go there someday."

"No."

He didn't turn to look at her, but he could feel her sad eyes on him. He bit his lower lip, pasta forgotten.

"Come on, please? We always stay in, it could be–"

"I said no." He interrupted her, voice firm.

"Why can't we go out? Give me one reason."

Bucky stood up then, chair scratching the floor as he did. He saw her flinch when he did, and he tried to mask the hurt he felt.

"Tell me. Why can't we go out? Why can't we be like any other couple out there?"

"You know why." He mumbled, not looking at her.

"Because of your arm? I don't care about it, James. I do not care what other people will say or think about it, I just want to have a normal relationship!"

Bucky closed his eyes and took a deep breath, trying to get himself together.

"It's not just that…"

"Then tell me! Talk to me!"

He stayed silent, though. He kept his gaze on the floor, fisting his hands on either side of him.

Rachel bit her lower lip, tears pooling in her eyes.

"I'm done."

Bucky felt his blood run cold. He turned to her so fast his neck hurt, but he didn't care.

"I'm done, James. I'm in constant heartache because of this. Am I not good enough for you? Do I embarrass you?" Tears started going down her cheeks, her lower lip quivering as she said that.

Bucky wanted to run to her and hold her, tell her that she was more than enough for him, that he was the one who wasn't enough. But he didn't. What he said next, he knew didn't help her feel better.

"Then leave."

Her eyes went wide. There was silence in the room. The air was so tense then, and he could feel it.

"What?" She whispered.

"Leave. You want a normal relationship? Go get one. I can't give you that. I'm sorry, but I can't do it."

He hated himself for hurting her the way he was. He loved her, he really did, but he can't give her what she wants, what she needs. He put on his jacket and his cap, walked towards the door, and left.

He could hear her sobbing from outside her apartment. He could hear the heart-wrenching sobs leaving her, and he wanted to punch himself.

He took a deep breath as he stood in front of her apartment door. He knew he had to make this right, Rachel was his rock, his strength. She helped him get better, not knowing everything he went through. He was going to tell her everything, and leave it to her if she wanted to take him back or not. If she did, he'd be the happiest man alive and try every day to make her as happy as she makes him. If she didn't, he'll respect her and leave her alone.

He knocked three times. He waited, listening to the shuffling coming from the other side of the door. He heard the locks being turned and then, so slowly, she opened the door. She stood in front of him, tears staining her beautiful face, eyes red and puffy.

"Can we talk? Please?" He asked, voice raspy. She didn't nod nor shake her head, she simply moved out of the way for him to come in. He sat down on her couch, looking at the floor and nervously playing with his fingers. He couldn't do this. He couldn't tell her everything. She'd hate him, she'd leave him, she'd–

"What do you want to talk about?"

Her whisper was so low, he almost didn't hear her. He looked up, she was sitting down on a chair in front of him, arms around herself. He took a deep breath, and he told her everything. He told her about fighting in World War II and being best friends with Captain America. He told her about the train and being captured by HYDRA. Told her about The Winter Soldier, how he now wasn't part of them anymore, how he was a new man. He told her about not remembering anything from his old life, just remembering glimpses of it. How he's been running from HYDRA for a couple of years now, everything.

"That's… that's why we can't go out. Because…" He sniffed. He hadn't realized he'd been crying until then. "Because if we're seen together, I don't want to risk them hurting you. Taking you to get to me."

He, then, took a glimpse at her. She stared at him with wide eyes, her face straight and clearly analyzing the information she just received.

"Please say something." He begged.

Rachel took a deep breath and then did something that surprised Bucky. She stood up and sat down next to him on the couch.

"I never want to hear you say this is a mistake, Rachel. I love you."

She squeezed her eyes shut, a lonely tear making its way down her cheek. He was so scared, he knew she was going to leave him and, if he was honest with himself, he knew he wouldn't be able to make it through without her. He needed her, he loved her. He need her there with him.

"I love you too." Rachel said, making Bucky look at her with wide eyes, a small smile making its way to his lips. "But, I'm not gonna lie, this scares me."

"I'll do everything in my power to keep you safe. I promise."

She took his hands in hers, squeezing the metal one extra tight. "I know you will, I trust you."

He smiled and leaned in, pressing his forehead against hers, hands squeezing hers.

"I love you, dorogaya."

"I love you, too.


End file.
